‘Have you ever been a member of the Communist or Anarchist parties, Mr Mortdecai?’ ‘Good Lord no!’ I cried gaily, ‘filthy capitalist, me. Grind the workers’ faces, I say.’ ‘When you were at school?’ he prompted gently. ‘Oh. Well, yes, I think I did take the Red side in the debating society at school once or twice. But in the Lower Sixth we all got either religion or Communism – it goes with acne you know. Vanishes as soon as you have proper sexual intercourse.’
– Kyril Bonfiglioli, Don’t Point That Thing at Me

Sleep is not, with me, a mere switching off: it is a very positive pleasure to be supped and savoured with expertise. It was a good night; sleep pampered me like a familiar, salty mistress who yet always has a new delight with which to surprise her jaded lover.
– Kyril Bonfiglioli, Don’t Point That Thing at Me

Destroying the painting was out of the question: my soul is all stained and shagged with sin like a cigarette smoker’s moustache but I am quite incapable of destroying works of art. Steal them, yes, cheerfully, it is a mark of respect and love, but destroy them, never.
– Kyril Bonfiglioli, Don’t Point That Thing at Me